Hatred stirs up conflict, but love forgives all wrongs.
In marriage one of the hardest things to learn is how to truly forgive your spouse, even when it hurts. In my marriage there hasn’t been a lot of things that have been considered hard to forgive. Honestly, there has only been one thing that has been a real struggle to forgive and overcome.
This isn’t a topic many people talk about and it seems. Based on the years I have dealt with it and the people I have talked to, this issue appears to be just as shameful for the wife as it is for the husband. Thus, forgiving and overcoming this struggle is hard for many couples.
Pornography, I cringe just typing that word. I am not going to delve into this very much right now because it isn’t the main focus of this post. I do want to touch on it, because it is something that has taken me years to truly forgive. It has taken years to start the process of trusting in my marriage again.
My marriage was almost completely broken up because of the vast amount of porn available on the internet. And it isn’t just porn, it is also the INCREDIBLE amount of sexualized images of women on the internet, in the media, at the checkout line and even on signs driving down the highway.
After six years of recurring problems, lies upon lies, and me just feeling completely done with this marriage, we have finally started moving forward.
Forgiveness is not easy. It is actually one of the hardest things to do, especially if the forgiven person continually repeats the same pattern over and over. God tells us many times in scripture to forgive.
Colossians 3:13 Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Luke 17:4 For even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, “I repent,” you must forgive them.
Mark 11:25 If you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that you may also be forgiven.
Proverbs 10:12 Love forgives all sins.
Was it easy to forgive my husband every time he repeated the same thing that was breaking my heart, making him feel guilty and disgusting inside of his own heart, causing him to feel the need to lie and further damage our marriage? No, it was actually one of the hardest things I have ever done, every single time I forgave him.
I chose to forgive though, not because I felt he deserved forgiveness at the time, but because God has called me to do that.
You love your husband. If he is still with you and willing to or trying to change his behavior then he also loves you.
Love forgives all sins, not the easy ones only, but ALL sins.
To forgive your husband is not only a huge blessing to him, but it is remaining faithful to your Father and you are setting a Christ-like example to your husband.
Forgiveness does not mean that you will immediately trust or be able to act normally with your husband, but it does mean that in your heart you have chosen to look past this sin. It does mean that you will now make an intentional effort to get back to the goodness and love your marriage once held.
As I said last Monday, you are able to love because Christ first loved you. The same goes for forgiveness, you are able to forgive because aren’t you continually forgiven for the same repeated offenses?
You are human, you sin once and likely repeat the same sin again at some point in your life. God has always loved you enough to look past these sins though, so you are capable of doing the same for the husband God has blessed you with!
What struggles do you have in your marriage that have been hard to look past or forgive? We each have our own unique troubles and I do pray today that your heart is filled with a love so deep that you are able to forgive your spouse and make the steps to improve your marriage.
**I want to make it clear that if you are being abused, physically or mentally, then I am not writing this to you. If there is abuse in your marriage then you need to seek some form of help, whether it is counseling, a pastor or the authorities. This post is meant for relatively healthy marriages that have issues that are not physically affecting you or your spouse.
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