He just can’t seem to remember anything that seems important to you. Every time he is asked to do something it never gets done. The affection he used to show doesn’t seem to be there anymore. His interests include everything. but you. Oh, and putting you before himself is a thing of the past. Showing grace in your marriage when you have none left can be very hard.
I am sure most of us can think of a time or two when we have had one if not all of these very situations creep up in our marriage. You feel angry, irritated and resentful of everything your husband does. Deep down the love for him is still there, but the desire to show it has long since gone out the window.
…but I would rather spare you the everyday troubles that married people have. 1 Corinthians 7:28
In this chapter of 1 Corinthians marriage is discussed and we are told that married people will have it a lot harder than unnmarried people. When God placed you with your spouse he knew the struggles you two would face. He also knew through his guidance, love and grace you could get through those struggles.
God did not create marriage as a way to have an unburdened, easy-going life. Marriage was meant to be hard! Anyone who is married knows that it is one of the hardest things to get through in life and come out on the other side still together. There is no instruction manual, no set rules for marriage that everyone abides by. Marriage is a constant battle of learning to love and accept another person’s flaws and failures as our own!
Marriage is a constant battle of learning to love and accept another person’s flaws and failures as our own!
We cannot change who our spouse is, but we can DEFINITELY accept him and show him grace. Don’t we all have bad days, forgetful moments and as women many days full of hormonal distress that is usually taken out on our one and only beloved husband!? Our husbands still love us through our days of mood swings and irritability. Shouldn’t we do the same for them?
We were not made equal…
God made each of us different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Women are able to multi-task, typically have a more calm demeanor, are natural nuturers and usually are better at showing love and affection. Men typically do NOT multi-task, they have a one track mind, so they typically forget things that seem less important to them (taking the trash out… can I get an Amen!?), they are far from a natural nurturer, it is something they have to learn to do, and they show love through sexual intimacy.
If there is one thing I have learned in my seven years with Zachari, it is that he is NOT me. I cannot expect him to do the same things I do or remember the same things I remember. He is good at playing with the kids, whereas I am good with snuggles and special time. Grilling is his thing, cooking in the kitchen and baking are mine. Outside work is something he enjoys and is awesome at. I enjoy a clean house and am really good at getting it done in a timely manner.
Do not let resentment overpower your love…
Dinner was always done, my house stayed clean and the kids were happy even when I worked full-time. I still had to come home and work in a short two hour period before bed time each day. I did not resent Zachari for not picking up the slack. Or for not helping me more with those specific things because I know I am better at it. He did the things he was good at, and that was enough for me.
Sometimes, we as mothers and wives feel as if we do EVERYTHING. I have heard it so many times from most of the women in my life. Yet, do we ever stop and think about what our husbands DO?
No he may not do as much as you or do things as well as you, but he does things. Maybe he works so you can stay home. Thus he doesn’t get to spend time with the family like you do. Perhaps he stays home so you can work, which as a stay at home mom I can testify that being home with the kids is a sacrifice in itself! Zachari leaves a coffee cup out for me every morning he is on day shift. It is something small, but it lets me know he is thinking of me. Also it means so much to me when I wake up and see that.
Remember why you love this man…
Think on the things he DOES do and not so much on what he doesn’t. I know it is hard showing love when you feel unloved or under-appreciated. I am sure if you were to take a second and ask your husband what he loves or appreciates about you, then you’d know he appreciates ALL you do.
Take some time today to just make a small list of the things your husband does for you and your family. Try to think hard on the little things. Things you may not realize are his ways of letting you know he is thinking of you. Don’t hold on to his wrongs and failings, appreciate his wins!
God shows you grace through all of your weakness and sin. He blessed you with this man in your life and expects you to love him as God has loved you. Show him the grace you have been shown. Even if he isn’t doing the same for you. Jesus said you should forgive seven times seventy, so never stop forgiving the SMALL things in your marriage!
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