Weekly Verse: Proverbs 16:9
As you know I am five months pregnant. I planned my children to be four years apart, until this one. I have never been one of those women with an overwhelming urge to produce more children. Yet, for the first time in my life the urge came. It came in the summer last year when my third child wasn’t even one yet. I ignored it because I had intended to have my last child about four years apart from Tom.
The desire was relentless and I prayed many nights about what God wanted me to do. I assumed if I was having such a desire for the first time in my life to have a child then it had to be God, right? It certainly couldn’t be my own thinking! I told God if it was not meant to happen right now then take the urge from me, and if it was meant to happen then continue bombarding me with the need for another baby HA! The feeling only intensified.
Saying yes to God’s plan, with my own intentions…
Zach and I discussed it and we decided to try for our fourth and final baby. I had a feeling and a strong hope that God was finally going to give me another girl. I believed he would not give me another boy when I had begged for so long to have one more girl.
At the 20-week ultrasound I was so sure I would see the three lines indicating a girl. The moment she touched my belly with the probe I saw it… a tiny little penis and testicles floating in my womb.I took it well for about five minutes, thankful that my baby was healthy. Those five minutes ended and I started sobbing.
I mourned for the rest of the day. Mourned the loss of the second girl I would never be getting. Mourned the fact that I would once again have to scour the internet for a boy name, when I don’t like any of them. Another boy to have difficulty shopping for, because everyone knows stores have only small selections of boy clothes. No bows, dress shoes, tutus or the flowery nursery I had planned out to the last detail on Pinterest.
People plan their path, but the Lord secures their steps. Proverbs 16:9
That day I forgot that if it is not God’s will then it will not be done. I had a plan and it did not go as I had expected. I chose this verse for this week because we as humans make plans for ourselves all the time. We set goals and tell ourselves what we will be doing in five years. At the end of the day though, it is God who enables those plans to unfold. It is our wonderful savior who paves the way for us and makes our plans and dreams a reality.
When our plans fail we are tempted to feel discouraged or hopeless, as I did. Instead we should be hopeful that God knows what is best for us. For instance, my daughter gave me such a difficult time, a week after the ultrasound, with her attitude that I knew why God did not give me another girl. I could hardly handle my anger and frustration with my daughter during this difficult week. Could I imagine having two of those at one time!? Yes, yes I could imagine and it looked like my nightmares lol. So God knew what was best.
So next time you are feeling discouraged or hopeless because you didn’t get the promotion, your life started getting in the way of you completing your goals or you didn’t get the little girl you’d hoped you’d get, remember that it is because something even better is yet to come. God does not make mistakes, only we do. And not trusting in the plan God has for us is a mistake we should not be willing to make!
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