Why You’re Failing As A Mom
I know you may be wondering how I feel confident enough in my parenting to tell you that not only are you failing at motherhood, but to also claim that I know why you’re failing as a mom. It isn’t my confidence that is giving me the ability to say these things though. I too am failing as a mom, everyday!
Everyday we struggle with our own self-doubt and insecurities. Patience, it seems to just disappear by 8 A.M., then suddenly when you see your babies sleeping peacefully at the end of the day it’s back. Lack of personal time and lack of connection with the Lord can have a strong effect on all aspects of your life, especially parenting. We are failing as mothers because of our constant need for perfection in ourselves, not because we are doing a terrible job at parenting!
Doubt and Insecurities
We live in a media driven world. Being bombarded by images of “the perfect mom” everyday through many different social media platforms is something common. Seeing another person’s pictures of their clean house, well-behaved childreb and impeccable appearance is not reality though. You have to know that deep down inside. Don’t you teach your daughter or son that the famous people they are watching on TV are not a good perspective of reality? Why do you so easily teach this to your children, but fail to accept it for yourself?
You are failing as a mom because you are feeding into this drive for perfection. You are failing because in your self-doubt and insecurities, you are unable to actually let your children experience YOU! Not the you that Instagram says you should be, but the YOU that created those sweet babies that you love.
Your children were not given to you by God because he wanted them to be raised be someone else’s idea of perfect. God blessed you with those specific children because he knew that YOU and you alone would be the perfect person to raise them. Our perception as mothers in today’s society is that God gave us our children so we could become the perfect mother for them. The reality is quite the opposite, God gave us our children because we were already perfect enough to raise them, in his eyes.
Stop doubting yourself and your parenting. If you cannot clean your house everyday, cook dinner every night, do the arts and crafts all the Pinterest moms are doing or hell if you just can’t seem to do anything other than run through the motions of motherhood today, guess what? That is okay, you’re children not only will live through this day, but they more than likely won’t even notice you’re struggling.
They aren’t judging you, they love you and if you took a second this very moment to ask them if they thought you were a good mom I can guarantee you that they would lovingly look into your stressed out, tired eyes and tell you how perfect you are and that no one else would do. You are theirs and they are yours and they don’t want the perfect mom. They just want YOU!
God gave us our children because we were already perfect enough to raise them, in his eyes.
Patience and High Expectations
We all have it, that doesn’t mean we have it past the first thirty minutes of attempting to get the kids ready and off to school in the morning! One morning I told myself I was going to remain positive all day and it would be a good day. Five minutes later my daughter walked into my room demanding to know why I didn’t get up earlier so I could curl her hair. It was done, my positivity was just wishful thinking and the good day I had planned was something that was no longer going to be possible.
You lose your patience, your positivity and your drive to set a calm example for your children. Life gets in the way, almost daily. I can honestly say I don’t think I have ever gone a full 24-hour period without losing my cool at least one time. You have to realize that you are not the only one.
Do not compare yourself to what you see from others. Unless you are in their home watching every interaction with their children, then you do not know how they handle stress. I can be a lot nicer in public, but once we get in the car the beast comes out! I know I am not the only one lol. It is friggin hard being a mom, end of story and patience is going to be lost daily.
All you can do is wake up each day and hope for the best, but do not set yourself up for failure by promising yourself that today you will not have even one bad moment. If you are constantly trying to reach for something unattainable then failure will be what you have to live with constantly. Why do that to yourself?
Self-Love and Your Relationship With God
Setting yourself up for failure is not showing any kind of respect or love for yourself. Do you tell your children that they have to make a 100 on each test they take or they are failures? Probably not, because that is false. Why is it so hard for us moms to love ourselves and treat ourselves as we treat our family? You cannot care for your family, if you don’t first care for you.
I am not saying to become selfish and think only of what you want and need. I am saying to make sure each day you are setting aside time for YOU. One of my special times is after the kids go to bed and I have spent some time with my husband (if he isn’t working night shift). I love to read, so when I come into my room after I have given myself to everyone else all day, I sit there and read until I go to sleep. Do you have anything that you still do for yourself?
Time With The Lord
My other special time is in the mornings for thirty minutes before the kids wake up. I spend time in the word with God and some time in prayer. My days that are without that thirty minutes turn out terribly, every time. I do not know why, but I like to think it is because I haven’t had that quiet alone time with my Father. If you start your day in a positive place and by asking God to fill your heart with his word and Spirit, you’re more likely to hold on to that throughout the day.
We cannot raise our children to our full potential if we do not make sure to nourish the relationship we have with the One who blessed us with these children in the first place. It is he who leads us and guides us in a way that is positive for our children. So take the time each day with God right when you wake up. Even something as simple as reading the verse of the day and just telling him thank you can create such a positive change in your demeanor for the day.
You are the first person your children see when they wake up and the last person they see before bed, so stop showing them how to dislike themselves. Be who YOU are because that is all they really need. DIY projects, fancy dinners and a clean house aren’t comparable to hugs, kisses and story time.
Where do you struggle as a mom? Please let me know in the comments below what your biggest struggle or fear as a mother is! I love getting your feedback and learning about each and every one of you!
From newborn through the first year. Schedules with each transitional phase in mind.